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SEARCHING FAR AND WIDE FOR A BRIDE I've been watching the reports from China, the ones about the gender imbalance and all those young men having trouble finding brides, and I can't help wondering what their parents and others were thinking when they chose, through abortion and abandonment, to avoid having female children. Perhaps they thought they could provide other options to their sons. Son: "My dear parents, I am ready to get married. Please help me find a bride." Mother: "You are ready to get married already? But my son, you are only 50. Can't you wait a few more years?" Father: "Your mother speaks with the wisdom of age, son. If you wait a few more years, there will be more brides available. The government is opening special laboratories to create more females. It is a process called cloning." Son: "But they are cloning sheep. I do not want to marry a sheep." Mother: "Son, you are 50. You cannot be too choosy." Father: "Your mother speaks with the wisdom of age, son. You should look at the positive side: A sheep has plenty of wool. It will keep you warm at night." Son: "No, I can't do it. I can't settle for anything but a human." Father: "You have high standards, son. But we expected this. That is why we've made arrangements to introduce you to someone special." Son: "Someone special? Is this really true, Father?" Father: "Yes, it's true, son. We will introduce you to a special inspector named Ying-Ming. He is looking for a companion too." Son: "Did you say 'he'? I hope you meant to say 'she'!" Father: "He, she, what's the difference? Together, you will still be 'we.' Ying-Ming is very rich, son. While most Chinese men have been busy searching for brides, he has been busy searching for bribes." Son: "But I do not want a 'he'! I am straight!" Mother: "Opposites attract, my son. You are straight and he is crooked. You will be happy together." Father: "Your mother speaks with the wisdom of age, son. You should look at the positive side: Ying-Ming has plenty of wool blankets. He will keep you warm at night. What do you say, son?" Son: "How soon will the cloning take place?" Father: "Ah, that's better, son. I knew you would come around. It's important to be open-minded. There are only a few brides and their demands are impossibly high: they want a man who is not just rich and handsome, but who also stops his car to ask for directions." Mother: "In all my years, I have never met such a man." Son: "Not on this planet. But how did this happen, this terrible shortage of women?" Father: "I blame it on the government. They created the one-child policy to control the population. They knew we would turn it into the one-boy policy, which would really control the population. Don't blame us: all we wanted was one boy." Son: "Don't blame me: All I want is one girl. Is it an impossible dream?" Father: "Well, there are two other options. You can find another man, put your savings together, and pay for a sex change operation. Ying-Ming does not want to do it. We already asked. But he is willing to wear a dress on weekends. He will even shave his mustache -- if you insist." Son: "Ying-Ming is a ding-a-ling. What's the other option?" Father: "You can go to America." Son: "America? Are there many brides there?" Father: "Well, once you are settled in America, you can do what many American men do: get yourself a mail-order bride from the Philippines." |
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Don't forget to visit Melvin's funny blog! |
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Don't forget to visit Melvin's funny blog! |
