Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

TWO HUSBANDS AND NO WIFE

Coming soon to a courthouse near you: gay marriages. Yes,
folks, whether you're ready or not, they're heading to
America, slowly but surely. They've already crossed the
Atlantic, sailing from Europe to Canada. And before you know
it, they'll be thumbing a ride south, faster than you can
say, "Quick! Someone shut the border!"

Many Americans, it seems, find the idea of gay marriages
utterly revolting -- the worst thing to happen to marriage
since someone thought of divorce. Many believe that allowing
homosexuals to tie the knot would destroy the very sanctity
of marriage. Many would rather give marriage licenses to
just about any heterosexual couple: the ones who constantly
fight, the ones who cheat, the ones who scamper around at
the local zoo.

Despite such views, gay marriages are coming to America,
perhaps not this year, but definitely sometime before
Jennifer Lopez's tenth marriage.

So brace yourself. Lock all your doors. Turn off the
television. And yank your daughters out of that all-girls
camp.

It's time to buckle down and protect your family from a
world that's changing too fast. Why, just 30 years ago you
thought the word "gay" meant "happy." And you wanted
everybody, even your closest relatives, to have gay
marriages. The gayer, the better.

Nowadays, you don't want anyone to have a gay marriage, not
even the two men next door, who seem both gay and happy.
They walk around holding hands and rubbing shoulders,
showing so much love, you feel like throwing up. "Hey, hey,
hey," you want to shout. "I've got young children, you know.
Do you have to rub shoulders in public? Show some decency!"

As a good parent, you're careful what you expose your
children to. Just the other day, you spotted two men
fighting in the street and you immediately shouted, "Hey!
Come and see this, kids!"

But all this gay stuff is getting out of hand, as far as
you're concerned. First, they wanted gay marches, now they
want gay marriages, and pretty soon they'll be demanding gay
divorces, too. Just like that, they'll ruin the very
sanctity of divorce. If gay people can get a divorce, it
just won't be meaningful anymore.

Why do they want to get married anyway? Isn't it enough that
they can live together and do whatever they want in their
homes? (You don't like to gossip, but you have a good idea
what they do when their curtains are drawn: watch episodes
of "Will and Grace.")

Yes, truth be told, they have a lot more in common with each
other than heterosexual couples -- and not just in their
anatomy. You've seen them wax the car together, mow the lawn
together, even get their nails done together.

But you still can't understand why they want to get married,
why they're so eager to make a legal commitment to each
other, when most men you know can't even spell the word
"commitment."

Marriage isn't easy. Just ask your friend, Tom, who's been
divorced more times than he's been married. (He divorced one
woman twice, just to be sure.) Even so, he seems more
open-minded than you.

"If gay people want to get married, let them," he says.

"You mean you support gay people?" you ask.

"If I did,"  he says, "do you think I'd want them to get
married? As far as I'm concerned, they deserve to be
married."

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