Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

UNRAVELING THE MYSTERY OF MATRIMONIAL ADS

Whenever I see matrimonial ads, I can't help smiling, partly
because I met my wife through an ad and partly because I
don't need to look at them again for a very long time, at
least until I'm ready to torment my daughter. She's just a
baby, but it's not hard to imagine myself handing her a page
of matrimonial ads and saying, "It's your lucky day, Lekha.
Every bachelor here describes himself as 'very successful'
and 'very handsome.' How can you go wrong?"

Matrimonial ads are an effective way to meet potential
mates, but they're not without their pitfalls. That's why,
as a public service, I decided to conduct an Internet chat
with some eligible men and women. Here's the transcript:

Sanjay, 38: Since you're an expert on matrimonial ads,
please tell me what it means when divorced women say they
have "no issues."

Melvin: It means they have nothing left to discuss. They
exhausted all issues in their previous marriages. If you
want to start a conversation with them, you need to bring
your own issues.

Nalini, 24: What do you think of an ad that says "seeking
smart, ambitious girl" and "must be able to cook"?

Melvin: I think you need to stop searching for a mate in the
employment section.

Waheeda, 35: I'm about to place a matrimonial ad and
wondered if it's OK to mention that my biological clock is
ticking.

Melvin: By all means. For greater emphasis, you may even
include a picture of your clock. That would help draw
responses from newspaper reporters and other men who work
well under deadlines.

Ravi, 25: Some women describe themselves as "fair," others
as "very fair." Should I request a picture to verify the
extent of their fairness?

Melvin: That is a fair question. But to determine if a woman
is truly fair, you need to observe her deeds, not her face.
Otherwise, you'll find yourself squabbling with your
light-skinned wife, thinking, "She is not fair at all."

Madhu, 34: I came across an ad in which a man describes
himself as "Harward-educated." Is that the same as
Harvard-educated and would you be concerned about his true
qualifications?

Melvin: Yes, I'd be wery vorried.

Latha, 23: What type of information should I include in my
biodata?

Melvin: The most important information to include is the
educational qualifications of your relatives, especially if
one of them is a doctor. You should also include the exact
time and date of your birth. Everything else is optional.

Rupa, 27: I do not believe in the caste system. Should I
boycott ads that mention caste in them?

Melvin: Yes, caste them aside. There are many others to
choose from.

Thomas, 29: I saw an ad in which a woman described herself
as "homely." Does that mean she's not good-looking?

Melvin: No, it means she's extremely attractive, but likes
to stay at home. In other words, she's not "outgoing."

Jyoti, 31: Please explain what it means when a man says he
has "good blend of east-west values."

Melvin: It means he eats his kofta curry with a fork.

Rakesh, 32: I found an ad that says "medical doctors
preferred." I'm not a doctor, but my best friend is. Should
I respond?

Melvin: Only if you can borrow your friend's credit cards.
And perhaps his Mercedes, too.

Manoj, 25: A woman has advertised for "well-settled"
professionals only. I have a green card. Does that make me
well-settled?

Melvin: No. To be considered well-settled, you must have a
wife and children.

Varun, 20: Something is suspicous. Are you really an expert
on matrimonial ads?

Melvin: Yes, I have an M.A. degree from Harward. Go ahead
and werify it.

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