Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

DOWNSIZE YOUR HUSBAND BEFORE MOVING

When you've lived in a home for several years, it isn't easy
to move, as I discovered recently. Not only have you
accumulated a lot of junk, you've grown quite attached to
it. So what if the old TV doesn't work anymore -- it still
serves an important purpose: covering the stain on the
carpet.

Deciding what to do with everything is a major challenge,
especially if you're a married man like me. It would have
been simpler, of course, to let my wife, Malathi, make all
the decisions. All her things would have gone into a box
labeled "collectibles." All my things would have gone into a
box labeled "Goodwill."

Goodwill, as you probably know, is a chain of thrift stores
across North America. I shop there occasionally, but I never
buy secondhand stuff, only pre-owned goods in mint
condition. Yes, my standards are high, which may explain why
Malathi would want to donate my stuff to Goodwill. She knows
it would sell well.

Goodwill receives tons of donations every day. Some of the
donors are moving like us, some are merely trying to create
a path through their homes and some are getting rid of items
in a desperate effort to find their lost children. The folks
at Goodwill sort through the donations very carefully,
keeping all the good stuff and returning anything that says,
"I want my mommy."

Our home was never so cluttered that our children went
missing, at least not for more than a week or two. Even so,
one thing was clear: We needed to downsize considerably,
otherwise we'd have to rent a moving truck the size of Sri
Lanka.

Getting my wife to downsize is like getting a 12-year-old to
stop reading Harry Potter. It might happen, but not without
an act of Congress. And even then, there'd be a lot of
kicking and screaming.

In the weeks before our move, Malathi bought several books
and other items, forcing me to spend a few minutes
explaining the meaning of the word "downsize."

Me: "Downsize means to reduce in number or size."

Malathi: "So if I got rid of you, would that be downsizing?"

Me: "Uh ... well .... those are some really good books you
bought, dear. I'm sure we can find space for them."

Malathi did eventually decide to downsize, thanks partly to
the resolution in Congress. She organized a moving sale and
was a storekeeper for a couple of weeks, dealing with
various customers, including a few who were still trying to
master English.

Customer: "We might come again tomorrow. Where is sale going
to be?"

Malathi: "Right here. Same place. Why do you ask?"

Customer: "Well, it is moving sale. I thought it is going to
move somewhere."

Malathi: "Actually, it's called a moving sale because I want
everything to move. Especially my husband's stuff."

Some of the customers insisted on bargaining with Malathi,
despite the low prices.

Customer: "How much for this fan?"

Malathi: "Two dollars."

Customer: "Hmmm ... will you take one dollar?"

Malathi: "Sure."

Customer: "Hmmm ... will you take 50 cents?"

Malathi: "Sure."

Customer: "Hmmm ... how much will you pay me to take it
away?"

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