Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

MAKE A CONVICTION TO LOVE

Are you lonely? Do you yearn for love and romance? Have you
grown tired of traditional relationships? Then don't waste
another minute. Write to a prisoner today!

Millions of prisoners are eager to hear from you. And unlike
your friends and family, they're guaranteed to reply. What
else do they have to do, polish the china?

Whether you're interested in murderers, bank robbers or drug
dealers, your mailbox could soon be overflowing with love
letters, many of them oozing the type of charm you can find
only in prison. If you're lucky, some of the letters will be
marriage proposals. But whatever you do, don't say 'yes'
until you're absolutely certain you can do no worse.

If you wish, you can join the dozens of women professing
their love to Scott Peterson. The California man is accused
of killing his pregnant wife, and after weighing some of the
evidence on television, many women reached the same
conclusion: Peterson is definitely handsome. And as fate
would have it, he's unattached, too. What a catch!

Peterson is so popular, he receives more fan mail than the
entire Professional Bowlers Association. The postal service
is counting on him to stay in business. And the government
of Liberia may soon put him on a stamp.

But before you write to Peterson, here's a warning: He might
be innocent. And even if he isn't, he could still be
acquitted, especially if the jurors say to themselves, "He
can't be guilty. He's too handsome." If he's released, you
might find yourself in a typical, ho-hum relationship, with
nothing to worry about except where to burn the stacks of
fan mail.

You might be better off writing to a hardcore convict, one
with no chance of showing up at your door. You can visit him
in prison and blow a passionate kiss through the glass. You
can listen to a detailed account of his crimes or a
proclamation of innocence. Either way, you'll be
entertained.

Of course, you shouldn't assume you'll win the heart of
every prisoner you write to. Some have high standards. As
one male prisoner said, "People think we ain't got standards
because we're in prison. But that's baloney. Just ask my
current honey. I refused to date her until she agreed to
shave her beard. She looks a lot better now, you know --
even with the mustache."

If you're still hesitant to write to a prisoner, here are
two testimonials that will convince you:

---Jenny, 41: "My three marriages failed miserably and I was
devastated. But then I heard about the prison correspondence
community and realized that I could have it all -- an
intimate relationship with a man without having to clean up
after him. I mean, why just have a mate when you can have an
inmate? Mine is just wonderful. For Valentine's Day, he
sent me a new license plate. How romantic!"

---Anita, 27: "I was tired of men cheating on me or hitting
me. These days, I feel extremely secure, knowing that the
love of my life is behind bars. I sell watches for a living,
so we have a lot in common. We're both serving time."

Send this column to a friend

Printer-friendly version

                                             Don't forget to visit Melvin's funny blog!