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Melvin's blog
Nshima & Curry
Melvin's Blog
Nshima & Curry
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IT'S BETTER TO BE AN INSECT THAN A RACIST
So I'm sitting at home, watching television,
and NBC's Katie Couric is interviewing
Matthew Hale, leader of the World Church
of the Creator. One of his followers,
Benjamin Nathaniel Smith, has just gone on
a shooting spree in the Midwest, wounding
six people and killing an African-American
and an Asian. And Hale, whose so-called
church teaches white supremacy, says he
feels no responsibility. And to top it off, he
says he feels as much compassion for
non-whites as he feels for animals and
insects.
Yes, insects.
At this moment, I feel like an angry bee. A
bee that wants to fly across the country and
find out whether Matthew Hale's butt is any
more tender than his heart.
Did he have to say "insects?"
Animals, I can take, because in a broad
sense we're all animals. Or at least we act
like them. That's why women are always
saying things like, "You men are all dogs."
And men say things like, "I'd love to date
her. She's a real fox."
Animals, I can take, because most of us
feel terrible when we accidentally kill an
animal, especially a cute animal like a
squirrel. After running over a squirrel with
our car, we feel so bad, we want to
apologize to the squirrel's parents. We
want to attend the squirrel's funeral. And we
want to give the eulogy: "He seemed like
such a cute squirrel, I wish I could have met
him and gotten to know him better. But I
only ran into him once. I just hope he has
gone to a better place, where he never has
to cross roads."
Animals, I can take, because most of us
are willing to pay to see animals. We go to
zoos to see wild animals like giraffes and
lions. We go to circuses to see talented
animals like elephants and tigers. And now
and then, we also go to pro wrestling
matches.
Animals, I can take, because some animals
are quite intelligent. Kangaroos are
intelligent enough to box. Monkeys are
intelligent enough to scratch each other.
And dogs are intelligent enough to be in
beer commercials.
Animals, I can take, because some animals
are pets and receive better treatment than
many children. Not only do they get free
food and shelter, they never have to take
out the trash. Some dogs have their own
little houses with air conditioning and
Internet connections. Yes, in case you're
wondering, that hot date you met at
Match.com may indeed be a real dog.
Animals, I can take, but insects ... no way.
Insects, I can't take, because some, like
spiders, give me the creeps, though I'm a
grown man with hair on my chin. There are
so many kinds of insects -- flies, crickets,
mosquitoes, beetles, bees, centipedes,
ticks -- and I don't want any of them as pets.
Insects, I can't take, because some, notably
ants, are like the British and love to have
colonies. If you're an ant, you can forget
about ever having privacy.
Insects, I can't take, because too many
humans own insecticide. And many of them
claim to be against chemical warfare.
Someone call Amnesty Insect-national.
Insects, I can't take, because humans step
on them and don't even notice. And when
they do, their biggest concern is scraping
the remains off their shoes.
Yes, being an insect isn't too pleasant. But
come to think of it, I'd rather be an insect
than a member of a hateful church like
Matthew Hale's.
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