Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

BEATING THE PANTS OFF THE OPPOSITE SEX

As a father of two girls, I'm thrilled that women's sports
are growing in popularity. I enjoy watching women's tennis
more than men's and, in case you're wondering, it has
nothing to do with the short skirts. I'd feel the same way
even if Roger Federer shaved his legs and slipped into a
mini.

I'm glad my daughters will grow up watching some great
female athletes on TV and perhaps be inspired to push
themselves athletically. My oldest, Lekha, is only three and
her biggest athletic accomplishment so far is falling out of
bed. She isn't yet strong enough to swing a racket, though
she's highly skilled at making one.

I hope my daughters will see men and women competing against
each other more often. We've already had a taste of it,
thanks to racecar driver Danica Patrick, golfer Michelle
Wie, and track and field athlete Samukeliso Sithole. Patrick
and Wie have performed impressively against men, gaining
praise from most observers, while Sithole won a handful of
medals against the opposite sex, though for some strange
reason nobody is raving about his accomplishment. The man
outperformed a group of female athletes and The New York
Times didn't put him on the front page. What's a guy to do?

Sithole posed as a woman and represented Zimbabwe
in a couple of international meets, looking like the next
Jackie Joyner-Kersee, but with a far less alluring smile.
I'm not sure how the authorities discovered Sithole was a
man, but perhaps it was all that biceps-flexing on the medal
stand. Or maybe they grew suspicious when they saw that
upraised toilet seat. Or perhaps it was an alert customs
officer who spotted a clue, wondering what was being
smuggled under that skirt.

Customs agent: "Excuse me, madam, did you store a package
there?"

Sithole: "Oh, don't worry about that. That's where I hide my
medals. Too many thieves around."

However the truth came out, Sithole was soon facing serious
charges, not just for impersonating a woman, but also for
watching a female athlete undress in his presence. As
reported by Reuters, a court in central Zimbabwe sentenced
him to four years in prison. But there's a bright ending to
this story: Sithole's new cellmates are showing far more
appreciation than the outside world for his
female-impersonation skills. And he's getting to do a lot
more running.

Unlike Sithole, Patrick and Wie don't have to disguise
themselves to compete against the opposite sex, partly
because it's widely believed that women possess no special
advantage over men in sports, never mind that it takes only
a twitch of a pretty eye to distract a man. One moment he's
in the lead at the Indianapolis 500, the next moment he's
crashing into the wall.

My wife argues that women are better than men in some
aspects of sports. It's also worth remembering that most
sports were invented by men and suited to their strengths.
Football, for example, is ideal for men because, as any
woman who's been to a bar knows, men are good at making
passes.

If women had invented sports, the rules would be quite
different:

Basketball: You'd still be required to shoot for a basket,
but before you can do so, you'd have to weave it.

Golf: You'd still have to putt the ball yourself, but you'd
be allowed to get a man to do the driving for you, so you
can sit beside him and criticize him.

Soccer: The field would be the same length, but instead of
having a goalkeeper at each end, you'd have a storekeeper.
If you kick the ball past her, you can spend a few minutes
shopping for shoes. The team with the most shoes wins.

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