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Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

A SUBJECT THAT'S SO EASY TO FAIL

In the old days, before the invention of email, beginning
letter writers had several worries, including which postage
stamps to buy, how many to stick on an envelope, and whether
they could afford to lose so much saliva.

Email has lessened such worries, but created an even bigger
one: what to write in the subject line. Most Internet users
have come across subjects in school, subjects like science,
math and English, but such subjects don't work too well in
subject lines, with a few exceptions. If you are writing
about Honda cars, for example, you might be able to use the
subject "Civics." And if you are writing about Rod Stewart's
marriage to Rachel Hunter, you might be able to use the
subject "History."

Some people have solved the subject problem rather well --
or so they think. They just write "Hi" or "Hello" on every
email, even if the email has nothing to do with "Hi" or
"Hello." But don't ask them about it. They'll just change
the subject. Whatever evidence you provide, they'll never
admit to being subject-challenged. They know they're better
than a few other email writers, the ones whose subjects
include "From me" and "Email."

Even worse are the people who avoid composing a new email
altogether. They just search for an old email in their inbox
and respond to it, keeping the old subject. They will send
you an email about Saddam Hussein and the subject line will
say "Re: Moon landing." You'll spend hours wondering if
that's where the scoundrel is hiding. And the next thing you
know, President Bush is talking about bombing the moon.

Thankfully, most of these people send email only to their
friends, who are very forgiving about subjects. As long as
they recognize the sender's name, they will open the email.
My friends, for example, never hesitate to open my email,
even though I always write the same thing in the subject
line: "Hot Russian women."

Subject lines are especially important for people who sell
products through email. Many of them are experts at creating
subject lines. And they're even better at creating subject
lies. They'll stoop to anything to get you to open their
emails and say, "Yes, I do need a bigger -----. And I think
I'll buy it from this bozo." Their tactics include:

THE COMPLIMENT: Taking advantage of your ego, they use
subjects such as "I love you!" "You have a secret admirer,"
and "Hot Russian women want you." If you receive such
emails, the best thing to do, of course, is forward them to
your friends. Mine are always thanking me. Their subjects
include "You idiot," "Get lost," and "Do I really need a
bigger -----?"

THE SCARE TACTIC: These subjects include "You are being
watched," "Your check bounced" and "Your wife found your
credit card." The scariest thing for many men, particularly
those who drink, is to receive an email from a strange woman
that says, "About last night." I was rather distressed when
I received such an email, especially when I noticed that it
was from a man.

THE INCOMPLETE SENTENCE: Designed to arouse your curiosity,
these subjects include "You are very ..." "Your bank account
is ..." and "Hot Russian women want you ..." As soon as you
open the email, you realize that "You are very stupid,"
"Your bank account is fine," and "Hot Russian women want you
to get a bigger -----."

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