Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

FEELING A LITTLE CAMERA-SHY

I've had some pretty embarrassing moments in my life, most
of which I would never disclose in public, even if Oprah
begged me. Thank goodness I'm part of the older generation:
Most of my embarrassments occurred before ordinary people
got their hands on video cameras.

My mother didn't follow me around with a camera, trying to
record my first bath, first date, first arrest.

These days, video cameras are everywhere. Some men can't
seem to leave home without their cameras, taking them on
every trip, even to the maternity ward.

Pregnant wife: "Honey, haven't you forgotten something?"

Husband: "My zoom lens? My tripod? My extra battery?'

Wife: "No, silly. Your pants!"

The other day, at the airport, I saw a man videotaping his
wife's arrival from a trip abroad. Did he hug her? Of course
not. That might have damaged the camera. (It was a Sony, for
heaven's sake!)

I have good reason to fear this camera-happy trend. Years
ago, at a friend's wedding, a camera recorded me looking
around at the guests -- right in the middle of the prayer.
You would think someone would have had the decency, during a
prayer, to close the camera's eye.

Try as I might, I can't seem to get away from video cameras.
That's because some of my close friends have had cameras
surgically implanted into their shoulders. They've filmed me
so many times, I could probably join the Screen Actors Guild
(SAG). (Of course, if I told my wife I had joined a group
called SAG, she'd wonder which of my body parts qualified
me.)

At least a couple of my camera-toting friends seem to be
invited to every party I go to. This makes me
self-conscious. Whenever I'm burping, scratching or picking
my nose, they're pointing their cameras at me. Someone needs
to teach them manners.

Surely Miss. Manners or Emily Post has something to say
about this. These women need to make some social rules about
video cameras. Here's a good start: Before filming anyone,
you must observe proper etiquette and request their
permission by kissing their feet. If this doesn't work, you
must offer to wash their cars or baby-sit their children.

Such rules would have kept me out of many amateur movies. In
some of these movies, I'm just sitting on a chair, eating
food or chatting with a friend, trying hard not to exhibit
any deviant behavior.

I'm not sure why someone found this interesting enough to
record. Perhaps I just don't have the sharp eye of a movie
producer.

A few months ago, I was at a friend's place, chatting with
his mother-in-law, when out popped his video camera. No
warning whatsoever, not even a quick "Action!"

I can only guess what this particular movie will be called:
"The Visitor Who Dared to Talk to the Mother-in-law."

But don't get me wrong. Video cameras do have their place --
and not just to catch Winona. I don't mind seeing them at
special events like weddings, which occur only about twice
in a lifetime. Without the videotape, how are you supposed
to remember your first wedding?

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